Dawn’s Porned Mouth/Transcript
(Scene opening with the Flynn-Fletcher house at night) Lawrence: Well, is the about time for tonight, bedtime! Phineas: Ferb, I know what we’re going to do tomorrow. We will see you in the morning, Dad. Lawrence: Hold it right there, Phineas. Phineas back Take out a pile of trash with you. holds up a trash bag Phineas: (Gasps) Dad, you shouldn’t talk about Candace like that! Candace: He means this filth, you loon. drops the trash bag on the floor goes to the dumpster while bringing the trash bag Phineas: (singing) Takin’ out the trash, takin’ out the trash. throwing a trash bag in the dumpster while bringing out the trash Phineas: Hmm...dumpster writing! The voices of the people! “Up with bubbles down with air!” laughs “Nematodes are people too!” Ha, those nematodes... Here one someone didn’t finish! Candace smells. the word “good” after “smells” Gooooood. laughs Hmm, what’s this one? Dad is a... hmm? Dad is a fucker. Janitor: disguised Did you kiss your mother with the mouth?! Phineas: Well, something, but not..recently. Ferb: Hi, garage man. Hi, Phineas. Phineas: Hi, Ferb. Hey, Ferb, do you know what this word means? Ferb: “Dad”...is my father who has antiques from the customers for? Phineas: to “Dad,” then the unseen word as they say Uh-uh, not that word, that word. Ferb: Hmm...fucker. Oh, hey, I know what that word means. It’s the one of those sentence enhancers. Phineas: Sentence enhances? Ferb: You use them when you to talk fancy. You just sprinkle it over anything you say, and Wham-O! You’ve got yourself a spicy sentence sandwich. Phineas: Oh, I get it. Let me try. (clears his throat) Hello, Ferb. Lovely fucking day, we’re having, isn’t. Ferb: Well, yes it is, Phineas. This fucking day is is particularly lovely! Phineas: How fucking right you are, Ferb. (the two say a couple of times) Phineas: Oh, you’re right, Ferb. My lips are tingling from the spiciness in this conservation. Ferb: Oh, mine too! (both laugh) Phineas: I tingles when I laugh. (The next morning) Phineas: Good morning, citizens of Danville. Nice fucking day we’re having, huh? Liam Doofenshmirtz: (Gasps) Dad, did he say that bad word? Heinz Doofenshmirtz: Yes, son. Yes, he did. Phineas: Hi, Ferb, how the fuck are you? Ferb: Pretty fucking good, Phineas. Old Man: I thought this is the restaurant, not a gutter mouth convention. Phineas: (On speaker) Attention, costumers, today is the special fucking chicken nuggets with the fucking Fries, and a fucking chocolate milk. children laughs Sandy Baugh: I like that, Mom. Kelly Baugh: That’s not funny, young lady. Phineas: It will be a fucker pleasure. (Candace hears her human ear pops up on her head and she push back in) Hi, Candace, how fuck are you? Ferb: Nice fucking day, isn’t there, Candace? Candace: You say a curse word? Oh my god, you’re so busted! Baby Eddie’s Father: I don’t understand. That guys are talented. He doesn’t have to build invention every day on summer. Baby Eddie’s Mother: Let’s go something else, dear. (The citizens of Danville leaves the restaurant, the meter running down. Siren wailing and a red lighted) Lawrence: (in the bathroom, hears the sirens) Huh? AH! The costumers is all gone! (runs to dinner room] All hands on deck! Batten the front doors! Brace the cash register! Break out the happy snacks! Candace, what on earth is going on here? Candace: Apparently, my younger brothers is used that bad words, and Phineas put it on a intercom. Lawrence: Wait, what? What did they say?! Candace: He said...Well, he said... (she whispers) Lawrence: Huh? Candace: (whispers again) Lawrence: (Gasps) Phineas and Ferb!! Front and center! Why are you saying bad words and I make you lads painting the house for using that!!?? Phineas: Because, Dad, we’re only using sentence enhancers. Ferb: Yeah, father, is fancy talk! Lawrence: There’s ain’t nothing fancy about that word! Phineas: You mean fuck? Lawrence: Yes, that one! Now quit saying that! It’s a bad word! Phineas and Ferb: Bad word? (stats wipers their tongues) Lawrence: That’s right, lads, that’s a bad word number 11. However, they’re all 13 bad words that you don’t use. Candace: Do you know they have seven? Lawrence: Nothing used as a sailor pep talk. (Laughing) Phineas: Wow, 13. That’s a lot of fucking bad words. Candace: I HEARD YOU! Lawrence: Alright, boys. I want you to promise me that you don’t used bad words again. Phineas: We promise. (cut to Phineas and Ferb’s room, who the boys played eels and escalators) Phineas: Gee, I’m glad that Dad told us that word we were using was a bad word! Ferb: Yeah, me too, because classy sophisticated like us shouldn’t have stain our lips with cursing. Phineas: Yeah, apparently. Now let’s play some nice game called eels and escalators. Ferb: Oh, boy, my favorite. Phineas: Come on, Perry needs a new pair of shoes. (rolls the dice) Ferb: Oh, eels. Too bad, Phineas, you gotta ride the eel. Phineas: Darn. (moves the game piece eel) Ferb: My turn. (rolls dice) Hooray, escalators! Yay! (Screaming) Up, up, up! Phineas: Come on, escalators, escalators, escalators. (rolls dice, sighs) Eels again. (move the game piece eel again) Ferb: My turn! (rolls dice) Escalators! Phineas: Escalators, escalators, escalators! (rolls dice) Eels? Ferb: (rolls dice) Escalators! (moves the escalators) Well, this is your last chance, Phineas, or if you get eels again, you lost! Phineas: (gets angry) Ooh! Escalators, escalators, escalators!! (rolls dice angrily) Hooray, escalators! Ferb: (rolls the dice) Eels! Phineas: AAAH, FUCK THIS GAME!! (cover his mouth while he has a mistake) Ferb: Ooooooh! You said number 11. Phineas: (babble for Ferb to understand) But I didn’t mean...please, Ferb, you have to understand. Maybe I slip our away out. You have to understand. Ferb: Don’t worry, Phineas, I will understand. (long pauses) Father! Father! Father! (runs off) Phineas: (runs with Ferb) No, no, no, no, Ferb. Please don’t tell! Ferb: But you say “fuck”! Phineas: Gotcha! Now I’m going to tell dad on you! Ferb: Not until I tell him first! Phineas: I can run faster than you! (laughs) Ferb: (riding on the ice cream truck) I see at the living room! Oh, no! Phineas: (laughs) Dad! Dad! Dad! Lawrence: What? What? What? Phineas: Ferb! Ferb! Ferb! Lawrence: Yes, Yes! Yes! Phineas: He said, he said, he said! Lawrence: Out of it, my stepson! Phineas: (talking fast) Me and Ferb are play eels and escalators, I ride on the eel and I ran on Ferb, and then he some things. Lawrence: What kind of things? Phineas: He said... Lawrence: Yes? Phineas: Well, uh, let’s just say he said a certain word we shouldn’t say, and this particular word happens to be number 11 in the 13 words you said shouldn’t be said. Lawrence: Uh, you’re right. What I can’t we do now? Ferb: (eats the ice cream) Father, father! Lawrence: (sighs) Oh, hello, honey. You need a babysitter? Linda: Of course, Lawrence. Phineas and Ferb, you need a babysitter for today. Her name is Lily Garcia-Shapiro. (She opens up the door) Lily Garcia-Shapiro: Hello, Mr and Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher, I’m ready to babysit the boys. Have fun at the movies. Bye! Phineas: Lily is the fucking babysitter for the first time? Ferb: Oh, Fuck!! Lily Garcia-Shairpo: What did you say, twerps? Phineas and Ferb: (pointing at each other) He said “fuck”! Lily Garcia-Shairpo: (gasps) Do my ears deceive me? You two should be ashamed! Time to taking out the trash. (Picks the boys up by drags them outside to the house) I know Candace was busting you, but I need you guys a lesson! I will need to clear and I never use number 11 for the 13 bad words. You two stay outside right here. I will be right back. (She walked to the house) Isabella: Hey, Phineas. Whatcha doin’? Phineas: (gasps) Oh, no! Isabella: What’s the matter? Phineas: Ferb and I swear to Lily and we’re getting punished for it! Isabella: That sounds serious. Phineas: Lily is right, we can’t said bad words like that. Ferb: I’m sorry, Phineas. Phineas: Let’s make a deal. We’re never said bad words, we will be good citizens, just like our parents, even Candace. Isabella: I agreed. Ferb: I gotta a bad feeling about this. (Lily comes out) Lily Garcia-Shairpo: Alright, you two foul mouths! As a punishment for using all the bad words, you’re getting the paint on the house for top to bottom. (stubs her foot on a rock and hops on one leg) OW, OOH! OW! MY FUCKING FOOT! WHAT GENIUS PUT A FUCKING ROCK IN A FUCKING PATH? CAN YOU SEE I GOT A PISSED FOOT HERE?! OH, GOD-DAMN IT! OH COCK AND BALLS!!! (at the moment, Phineas, Ferb and Isabella count the swears) Phineas: Five, six, seven... Lily Garcia-Shairpo:...faggot and a whole lotta shit, and the side of the fuck, and a boatload son a bitch... Isabella and Ferb: Nine, ten... Lily Garcia-Shairpo: God-damn balls! Krabbin’ jackass! (cries in pain) Phineas: That’s all 13, Ferb! Isabella: (gasps) We’re going to tell my mother, Lily!! Lily Garcia-Shairpo: No, please, not my mommy! (She, Isabella and the boys chasing each other) Wait, please don’t tell my mother! I don’t think her little heart can take it! Phineas: Isabella has a crush on me? Ferb: Yeah, bro, I will understand again. Lily Garcia-Shairpo: Shut up! (they going to the house) Phineas and Ferb: (Banging on the Door) Mrs. Garcia-Shairpo! Mrs. Garcia-Shapiro! Isabella: (Banging on the Door) Mom! Mom! Vivian Garcia-Shapiro: Well, hello there! Phineas and Ferb: Mrs. Garcia-Shairpo, she says fuck, and then she said fuck and then she fuck again, and then she said god-damn and then she screaming at the top of her voice bitch! And he pissed off, Mrs. Garcia-Shaipro! It was horrible! She’s didn’t care! Such a screaming of balls faggoting hell of a bitch I’ve been heard in my days! Isabella: So, that’s what happened, Mom. Vivian Garcia-Shapiro: Oh, dear! My poor old heart. (faints) Vaughn Garcia Shapiro: (gasps) Aww, poor wife. What have these foul-mouth children have to do to you? (gets angry) First, you lads swear to your father, and now you two and my daughter did this?! How could you! That is it! You girls are so grounded! And you boys should be ashamed of yourselves! For making my wife fainted with your potty mouth talk!!! Isabella: But, Dad, it wasn’t me. I don’t swearing! Vaughn Garcia-Shapiro: Oh, okay then. That means Lily and the boys are ashamed of themselves! Vivian Garcia-Shairpo: You three so be ashamed of yourselves! As a punishment, you three are my daughters rooms to clean right now! (A 22 minutes later) Vivian Garcia-Shairpo: Nice job clean the rooms, kids. Vaughn Garcia-Shairpo: I give you all a glass a lemonade with it. (laughs) (stubs his foot on a rock) OWW! MY FUCKING FOOT! Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, Lily and Vivian: (gasps) Isabella and Lily: Dad! Vaughn Garcia-Shapiro: What? Old man in his car. Old Man: Hello, Mr. Garcia-Sharipo! Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, Lily, Vivian and Vaughn: (all laughing together as the end of the episode)